I hope I didn't leave my readers with the impression that I am wallowing in misery. Generally speaking I am able to stay positive. But once in a while it does all kind of hit me at once, so I wanted to vent. By the time I was done writing that post I was laughing at myself, so I suppose the post served its purpose.
Most of my complaints from the last post are resolved or soon will be, thanks in large part to my wonderful and generous family who have come to my rescue more than once in the last year. My car will be repaired this Friday, I should have a new dishwasher in place by this weekend, new glasses and contacts are on their way, etc. My dryer seems to have fixed itself. I thought it was broken because one day it kept running and wouldn't shut itself off, but it's worked perfectly ever since, so perhaps that time was a fluke. And a few more lamps and brighter lightbulbs (and a Mozart CD on loan from a friend) have been enough to dispel the gloom brought on by the perpetual cloudiness. I suppose I am still a few pounds heavier, but that was by far the least of my worries. :)
I suppose I haven't made specific mention of this in my blog before, but I have been a single mama for about a year now. Lately I've been receiving a lot of commendation for choosing to do what I've been doing, that is, working as an in-home childcare provider so that I can continue to stay at home with my boys. I've kind of been wincing when I've been getting those compliments, though, because the reality is, it's not working. :) I still believe that in theory it ought to be possible to support oneself working as an in-home childcare provider, and perhaps I will return to doing so in the future, but the reality of my specific financial situation at this time is that I can't make it work.
So this summer, I will be packing up and moving to Texas to live with my family for a while. Living with my family will feel like living in some sort of paradise, I think. To not have the financial stress, and to live in a nice home that's not a perpetually unfinished work in progress, and not have to work so much and be able to focus on my boys a little more, and to have other adults to talk to at dinner time, and my wonderful parents and siblings all close by...well, I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. It will be wonderful.
Of course, to get to that point, I have to dispose of many of my belongings, pack up the rest, do some repairs and get my house ready to sell, and prepare to move across the country, all while working fifty hours a week providing childcare, caring for my own two children almost 24/7, and attempting to sell a few crafts on the side to pay my bills--a daunting task to say the least. :) I feel like I have to climb this mountain of impossibility to reach a valley of repose on the other side. I must remind myself of the verses taped above my sink: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And again, "My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory through Christ Jesus."
Perhaps to find the time to do all I need to do, I should give up blogging. What do you think? :p